Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Heartburn, Anyone? Chili Burger, Florence KY T/A

Florence, Y'all!

There, I finally got to say it. After passing that water tower numerous times I finally got to put that down in writing. Say it with me again, "FLORENCE, Y'ALL!" Doesn't it feel good and particularly southern? I thought so, too.

So! Florence (y'all?) Kentucky. Just south of Cinci...Cinccinn...Cincinatt...Cincinnat..Covington KY which is directly across the river from that other place I can't spell that's home to the Reds and the Bengals (you know what I'm talking about). Wait, is it Florence or the next one down? It's not the first T/A you'll pass on I-71/75 south, it's the SECOND one (that's across from Pilot and White Castle). That's the one I'm talking about. That's right, that first one had no parking available and I was like "wtf, really?!" so I boogied out of there and went down to THIS one where I found some parking spots.

Hungry for something yummy I went inside, knowing I would have to eat at the Country Pride because the Taco Bell Express* was closed. On the way in the sign caught my attention touting a chili burger and fries as their local special. Well yeehaw, serve me up some of that! I was either that hungry or from driving all night it sounded that good. Not exactly breakfast food but it was 3-4am and that was my dinner.

So out it comes and...woah..this could get messy.


First let me just say that there is no humanly way possible you could pick this up and eat it like a burger. No. Freaking. Way! I think they planned it to be open faced, to be honest with you. Let's dissect this like a dead frog in Anatomy & Physiology class, shall we? 

The burger itself was..larger than expected. It was almost like a patty and a half and it almost stretched across both buns..almost. What didn't reach was covered in chili. Which leads me to the chili. Heavy on the beans, not so heavy on the heat or spice. Onions, yes. Shredded cheese you'd normally find on Cin..oh god not that name again..(city known for the Reds and the Bengals) chili indigenous to this region in places like Skyline and Gold Star (you know what I mean). Overall, at 4am for dinner when most normal people are eating breakfast, this was pretty good. The fries were..okay. They weren't cold or mushy for once so that was a plus.

Would I order this again? Probably not, and not because it sucked because it didn't! But because I don't need the heartburn or the gas a second time. I mean come on, chili without beans is like country music without heartache. It's a key component!

I say, try it once! (like I did). Bring some Tums and Beano (like I didn't). 

Grab a fork and knife and dig in, cowpokes! 

I have no idea why I said that, it just felt right for some reason.


*So yeah about that Taco Bell Express. It's not a full Taco Bell, they have a limited menu that they can pump out quickly. The lady told me they don't have a fryer so no chalupas, no gorditas, no cantina bowl. So if you do decide to stop there for Taco Bell, what they have on the menu is all they can make. If it's not on the menu and you usually get it at Taco Bell, they can't make it at this one. (they get asked this dozens of times a day so I'm just giving you a head's up if you go.

**They're also only moderately impressed that you just delivered 42k lbs of Taco Bell sauce packets to MacLane, who in turns supplies Taco Bell (and some other chain restaurants).

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