A warning about duck sauce

I love Chinese food. Wait let me re-phrase that. I love what we consider Chinese food here in America. There that sounds better. And what seems to come with Chinese food? Egg rolls! Now I don't know about you but I enjoy dipping my little fried tube of veggie and pork goodness into this delicious sauce. I'm not really sure why it's called duck sauce because it contains no duck. Maybe you eat it with duck? I don't remember seeing duck on the menu though, but I digress, I have a warning about duck sauce though.

..this is going to sound like I stole it from "Gremlins"..

Never. Ever. Under no circumstances. No matter how tempting it sounds. No matter how much of a good idea it sounds like. Ever. Eat duck sauce by itself.

I have done this, and I still regret it because now I can never eat it again on anything ever again.

It sounded like a good idea at the time (we've all said this, admit it). I looked at the label. It had apricot in it. Apricots are good! It has some other fruit, too, which is also good. So to see what it tasted like by itself I tore open the package and squeezed half of it into my mouth and swallowed.

Omg it was so gross! The consistency was like some kind of slime. The flavors were just 'ewww' and I shuddered a bit. Then I did a stupid bonehead move: I ate the rest of it! In my defense, I ate the rest of it just to make sure it's as bad as I thought it was and I wasn't dreaming or hallucinating. Also in my defense, I didn't have anything to drink. Wait, that doesn't help here. But yeah, it was gross, I didn't shudder the second time, I gagged. It scarred me mentally. The flavor lingered in my mouth until the next day. The feeling of the slimey substance lingered in my brain for two days after and every time I thought about it, I gagged and almost threw up. Weeks later when I'm typing this up, I still get ghost shudders about it.

A week after this incident happened I ordered Chinese food and in the bottom of the bag were packs of duck sauce. I briefly entertained the idea of having it with eggrolls once again. I picked the packet up and gently squeezed it between my thumb and index finger. Then I got hit by a flashback and I had to throw it away. The sauce, not the eggroll, I mean let's be realistic here.

So gross. Don't do it!